4-year-old daughter, playing with a toy space shuttle:  GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM!  PUT YOUR HELMET ON AND BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELT!

4-year-old daughter, in full sulk mode:  I wish I was a big scary girl.
Mama:  Why do you want to be a big scary girl?
4-year-old daughter:  So I can play for the Steelers!

3-year-old daughter (after tripping over one of her toys):  I suppose I should make a joke about being clumsy...

three-year-old daughter:  Can I have a candy cane?
Mama: Honey, we don't have any, because it's summer.  We'll have some when we're closer to winter.
three-year-old daughter:  (runs to the window in the front room) You mean closer to THIS win-der?

(My in-laws have given my daughter a doll that looks just like her.  Upon seeing it sitting in a chair in the living room...)
Seven-year-old son:  Is it me, or did things suddenly get CREEPY in here?

(While I was comforting my daughter after a tantrum, she started getting a little...grabby.)
Mama:  No, honey, please get your hands out of my shirt.
3-year-old daughter:  Milk factory's closed, huh?

three-year-old girl:  That rhombus looks like a parallelogram.

(my daughter is in the process of potty training, but still wears pull-ups at night when this conversation happens as I am getting her ready for bed.)

Mama:  Come on, you have to wear a diaper at night.
three-year-old girl:  NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mama:  Okay, but then you can't come see me tonight when we're all asleep.
three-year-old girl:  (only slightly mocking) What are you gonna do about it?  Put up a sign?

Mama: While I'm downstairs doing the laundry, I need you to behave, okay?
three-year-old girl:  Hey!  I behaved once!

three-year-old daughter:  Do my socks match?
Mama:  Yes, they do.
three-year-old daughter:  Aw, phooey.
Mama:  What, do you want them mixed up next time?
three-year-old daughter: (as if the answer were obvious) YES!

(three-year-old daughter is kicking a conduit leading to an electrical box)
Mama: Stop kicking that, danger girl.
three-year-old daughter (stops kicking, but replies): Danger is my duty!

three-year-old daughter (after a piggyback ride down the stairs):  Hahahaha!  I climbed down like a potato!

three-year-old daughter: (every time she sees a dandelion)  Ooh, a wish flower!  (picks it and blows the little puff seeds everywhere) You know what I wished?  That we can play forever and ever!

three-year-old daughter (after a sneezing fit):  I have the bless-yous.

three-year-old daughter (talking to her stuffed bear): Aw, but you're a nice bear!  You don't scare people, and you've never eaten anyone!

three-year-old daughter: (singing a song from Dora the Explorer) I speak Spanish, and English too...
seven-year-old son:  You don't speak Spanish!
three-year-old daughter:  I speak more Spanish than YOU do...

(getting ready to go jogging)
Mama:  I don't know why I do this to myself.  I hate running.
3-year-old daughter:  Because it's good for you, and you can have a treat later!  That's why!

Mama:  While you're waiting for the cinnamon rolls to be ready, why don't you go get dressed?
(That's when the cat starts paying attention to my son.)
7-year-old son: I would, but I'm distracted by the cuteness!  Aw, look, he's snuggling my feet!  Cats are strange that way.

(My daughter has just asked for a hard-boiled egg.  It's just after Easter, so we have a few.)
three-year-old daughter:  It needs to hatch!  (smashes egg into the wall)

(I have been looking at a street map of our city when my daughter walks up and peeks over my shoulder.)
three-year-old daughter:  That looks like a spider web!
Mama:  Actually, it's a map of the streets in town.
three-year-old daughter:  Ohhhh.  No wonder you hate driving!

(This happens as we are leaving to pick up my son from school.)

three-year-old daughter:  TO ADVENTURE!  We're on a mission to rescue my brother!

Mama:  Honey, he's just at school.  He's been there all day.

three-year-old daughter:  We wouldn't have to do this if you hadn't left him there!

(arriving at home after school, my son jumps out of the van as soon as I turn it off, and runs toward the neighbor's yard.)
7-year-old son:  LOOK, A CUTE PUPPY!
(about a minute later, he comes back)
7-year-old son:  It was actually a rock with a bug on it.

(loud thud)
3-year-old daughter:  This pogo stick I made with Legos doesn't work at ALL!

six-year-old son:  (watching cheese melt while making soup)  This is SO COOL!  It's JUST LIKE SCIENCE!

(There's a restaurant not far from here that gives small gifts to children as they leave.  As a result, my kids have a curiously large collection of rubber duckies.  One, in particular, has checkered flags where his wings should be, and is imprinted with the words PIT CREW.  Daughter is getting ready for bath, when she decides she really needs that particular duck...)

3-year-old daughter:  Oh, Lightning McQuaaaack...come out, come out wherever you are...Lightning MCQUAAAAACK...

3-year-old daughter:  If Hello Kitty has no mouth...how does she burp?
(Really?  THAT'S your question about Hello Kitty?)

6-year-old son:  Why does Texas look like a horse's back leg?

(If you're visiting this blog from Texas, I apologize.)

(I had made cinnamon donuts for breakfast this particular morning...)
6-year-old son:  I'm like a zombie, but for cinnamon donuts.

3-year-old daughter:  Can I have an orange?
Mama:  No, you didn't eat the last one you asked for.
3-year-old daughter:  But it was the shape of a basketball!  Or something. Maybe it was just the color of a basketball.  (pause) Can I have a banana?

Six-year-old son:  (walking into the kitchen) Whatcha doin, Mama?
Mama:  Nothing, nothing to see here.  Move along...
Six-year-old son:  You know what nothing smells like? Chocolate chip cookies.
(Son: 1  Mama: 0)

three-year-old girl:  I am going to fix Hello Kitty's guitar.  With THIS HAMMER.  Watch!

3-year-old daughter:  OW!  OW!  OW!  What is WRONG with my BUTT?

(um.  Nothing.  Those are your legs, dear girl.)

Three-year-old daughter:  STEELERS!
Six-year-old son:  CHIEFS!
Three-year-old daughter:  STEELERS!
Six-year-old son:  CHIEFS!

Three-year-old daughter:  STEELERS!
Six-year-old son:  CHIEFS!

(For TWO HOURS.  eesh.)

Mama (to three-year-old daughter):  Get off your brother's back! He's not a horse!
Six-year-old son:  She's okay, I don't mind.
Three-year-old daughter:  That's right, he isn't a horse!  He's a giraffe!  And I promise not to pee on him!
Six-year-old son:  Okay no seriously, get off of me.

(We recently had to replace our television.  The delivery people brought it in, but wouldn't put it on the wall mount.  Please note, I'm just under five feet tall and can't mount it without assistance.)

three-year-old girl, looking at the new television:  That TV sure is big enough!  (looks at me) And if YOU were big enough, we could watch it!

(I don't remember her brother being this sarcastic when he was three...)

3-year-old girl (holding a stuffed animal):  It's a turtle!  Wearing a SANTA HAT!  How does THAT make sense?!

3-year-old girl (after finding a pair of denim shorts):  Mama, put your pants back on!
Mama:  Sweetheart, I'm already wearing them...see?  And besides, these are Daddy's.
(after a moment of pondering)
3-year-old girl:  YOU MEAN DADDY'S AT WORK WITHOUT HIS PANTS?

3-year-old girl (after tasting cottage cheese):  I think something awful happened to your milk.