six-year-old daughter:  This is what I think of your chocolate-covered caramel bites!  (shoves a handful of Milk Duds into her mouth, gives me a thumbs-up, and hands me the empty box)

(while trying to talk to my daughter about a baseball game we're watching, she suddenly realizes...)
six-year-old daughter:  It's not ant season anymore!  HOORAY!!!

six-year-old daughter: What's beaver schnitzel?

(while watching an episode of Magic School Bus about the digestive system)
six-year-old daughter: this reminds me--I'm hungry.

five-year-old daughter:  If I was in that show, I'd show those stupid bad guys who's boss!
Mama:  Is it you?  Are you the boss?
five-year-old daughter:  No, they are.
Mama:  ...wait, the bad guys are the boss?
five-year-old daughter:  Yeah, sometimes the stupid bad guys get to be in charge.

(It's early in the morning, and I'm ready for the day and packing my kids' school lunches.  My daughter shuffles into the kitchen, stares at me for a second, and then...)

six-year-old daughter:  That's right, Mom, you WEAR those yoga pants!

five-year-old daughter:  Can you go get my tablet?  I estimate it's on my bed.
(Dad finds tablet, and confirms, it was on her bed)
five-year-old daughter:  My prediction was right!

Nine-year-old son:  Wait, ice cream has milk in it?  That means it's good for you, right?

(Nine-year-old son has a new favorite song.  He's been singing it all day.  He's good, but it's getting a little tired.)
Five-year-old daughter:  Would you please stop that??
Nine-year-old son:  Sorry, sorry.
(three minutes later)
Five-year-old daughter:  You know I can still hear your brain singing it, right?

nine-year-old son (playing with a stuffed animal that belongs to his sister):  This is one weird-looking bear.
five-year-old daughter: That's because it's a mongoose.

five-year-old daughter:  Victoria's secret is that SHE SELLS UNDERWEAR.

(My kids are playing Doge 2048, and talking about the pictures of the Shiba Inu.)

nine-year-old son:  This dog is so cute!  When I grow up, I'm gonna get one of that dog!
five-year-old daughter:  When I grow up, I'm gonna BE that dog!

(At a baseball game.  The player at bat has just hit a home run, and the stadium fireworks are going off.)

five-year-old daughter:  WOOHOO!  New high score!  New high score!

five-year-old daughter:  I'll be there in ten shakes of a bunny's tail!  But only if it's a really sleepy bunny.

five-year-old daughter:  When you and Daddy were kids, were you twins?
Mama:  No, honey, Daddy and I didn't even meet each other until we were in college.
five-year-old daughter:  In college, or in jail?

(clarification:  We met in COLLEGE.  NOT JAIL.)

(while out of town, we go to a grocery store near our hotel.  We wind up walking down an aisle full of wine.)

nine-year-old son: (taking me by the arm and dragging me) Let's go, there's nothing here you want, we'll get you over to the coffee instead....

five-year-old daughter, pretending to be a fishy cracker:  Did you eat half of my body?
five-year-old daughter (as herself):  Yes, I did.
fishy cracker:  YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!
five-year-old daughter:  I already did!  *chomp*

(My daughter's class has been talking about fairy tales.  The teacher asked them if they would kiss a frog to turn him into a prince.)

five-year-old daughter:  No.  I do NOT need a prince.

five-year-old daughter (playing Smash Brothers, as Squirtle): I don't know who this pointy turtle I'm fighting is...
eight-year-old son:  That's Bowser.
five-year-old daughter:  Well, I'm gonna show Bowser who's boss!  But, um, it isn't me, because I'm just a *cute little turtle*!

five-year-old daughter (while loading her Nerf gun):  BROTHER!  It's terrible to keep a lady waiting for a fight!

(while playing Smash Bros)
eight-year-old son:  LOOK AT THIS!  I have my arm stuck inside a donkey's head!
Dad:  No, that's Donkey KONG.  He's a monkey.
eight-year-old son:  Whatever...

five-year-old daughter (watching the cat in the kitchen):  DADDY!  Kitty was about to get hurt by this porcupineapple!

(My daughter has asked me if she can try some of the cheese I'm putting in the soup for dinner, but she won't take it from me because...)

five-year-old daughter:  you be like a tree and hold it, I'll be like a giraffe and eat it!