Four-year-old daughter (pretending to be a puppy):  Ark!  Barf!  I mean Arf!  Bark!

(My four-year-old daughter has wandered away from her lunch.  To play with her, I put her stuffed lion next to her plate.)

Mama:  Your lion's going to eat your sandwich!
Four-year-old daughter: No, he won't want it.  I pulled it apart and ate all the ham.

(Daddy is trying to wake up four-year-old daughter so she can get ready for the day.  She is having none of it.)

Mom:  Mornings are hard, Daddy!
Four-year-old daughter opens her eyes just long enough to say:  That's why bats are nocturnal.